Acceptance

" there is only darkness. Sometimes we find people in the darkness , but sometimes we lose them there." 

I was never truly accepted for who I was from the start. It's true you know. When they say that people judge a book by it's cover. It's like how everyone tells me their first impression of me is someone who looks fierce / tired / moody or they assume that I give them the death stare when it is actually my normal look. Well I can't blame anyone for thinking that way because I was born like that but it still hurts me whenever people say things like  why you always so moody. Why you get angry so easily. Isit even wrong to feel tired sometimes ? Am I supposed to smile and walk to school everyday just because I look horrible and fierce if I don't smile? I don't live to please anyone of you okay. And yes back to my main point, after people got to know me better , the first few months are pretty unbearable for them since nobody can actually stand my bad temper and my random mood swing. I've tried so dam freaking hell hard to control myself. Telling the monster in me to get out of my head, screaming stop, controlling my emotions. So I ended up just becoming expressionless because I know that I can no longer express myself truly infront of everyone. The least I expect from my friends is for them to be more understanding and understand that I have a hot temper and I'm trying my best to control it. So why can't they spare a thought for me instead of complaining about it behind my back? The feeling of betrayal and mistrust. When will I truly find someone who knows all my flaws  but still love me the way i am? Now, i just feel like a girl who is living a life scripted by others. I'm alive but I'm not living.