But holding it in while they are talking about how well they did and keeping quiet with my heads down just to make myself feel less miserable, is torturous. I can't do this to myself. I am not asking for much, not asking for many distinctions or single digit for L1R5, all I asked for is to allow me to enter a school of my choice. But currently I am limited to only a few choices. To some other people it might be alright for them but it isn't for me because no one knows how bad I want it and how hard I worked for it. Maybe life is supposed to be unfair because the ones who worked their ass off for things they want badly dont always get it. Shit happens. And yeah I felt so lost with no directions In life when I opened my results slip. At that moment I just wanted to hide in a corner and cry my heart out because I can't take this kind of disappointment. I don't even want to face the world because I feel ashamed of myself. I don't even want to hear anyone comforting me or go on social networks and see EVEYONE saying things like " omg don't know which sch to go ( when they can go to ANY sch they want) "
Like seriously? You want to do this? Just eff off because it is annoying. And oh well I dot blame people who don't want to accompany me to go to jc that I would like to visit because diff ppl diff standards. I just can't stand people who lie. And yeah don't bother comforting me and say things like it's alright there's still a long way because you dot understand and you never ever will. I have failed not just myself but everyone else who thought I could make it. Thank you to the ones who truly cared and accompanied me to the JCs.
I am not gonna take it easy. I am still upset about it. I won't ever forget how I feel about this. I wot forget how life treats me. I know my dream is ruined and destroyed. I know nothing works well for me and I don't think I deserve what I have gotten. Allowing myself to indulge in negativity is the worse way to torture myself mentally. I am not strong enough for this.
I understand how you feel, not meeting your expectations despite working so fucking hard for it, seeing the people around you having a luxury of choices while you, yourself, are limited to a few. I know how disappointed you are. I felt so sad, destroyed like nothing good will ever happen again. But trust me, things get better. Not now, but it definitely will. And if this were to happen again, you will know how to pick yourself up. Let yourself go and release the sadness, the pain. But don't forget to fight back, stronger, tougher than ever before. Chin up dear, find another dream and live it.
ReplyDeleteHi anoymous, even though i dont know who you are and idk if you know me real life or just happened to pass by my blog, thank you so much. I appreciate it a lot :)
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