Risk it all

I wished that whenever I feel tired of thinking, my brain can just shut down automatically and allow me to rest because I can't possibly keep letting myself feel hollow and empty. I want to pen down my thoughts so that it will stop racing through my damn head but I don't know how to put my thoughts in words. I'm such a mess.  I should have gotten over it but this sinking feeling just comes back randomly to cause me to feel overwhelmed and confused. I am frustrated because I don't know how to handle my emotions. I am confused because I don't know how to learn from this and I feel like nothing wonderful will ever happen in my life. I hate the fact that I am turning 17 in a few months' time and yet I am still acting like a kid. 

I don't wish to step into adulthood even though I am just a few steps away.