I am not smart or talented. I am never the best. I was never top in anything. I've been at the last place before and i know how it feels. It sucks to be last in class and 157/163 in level in sec1. So I climbed back up and fought hard to be in the top 80 so as to get into the top 2 classes in sec3. Lucky enough I was at the 80th position. I thought as long as you work hard and do your best, it will be enough. But not until this year, I realised that no matter what you do or how hard you try, it's never gonna be good enough. And your best may not even be up to standard. And therefore I realised I was so wrong. I was wrong thinking that if I got into top 80 I will do better with the rest. But being compared to the rest just makes me feel worse and demoralised. I've tried... And I'm so tired of telling people I've tried my best... I thought my family would be supportive but they are the ones who repeatedly pull me down and make me feel inferior again and again. I screwed up sec3 eoy and all I wanted was just words of encouragement or motivation. I was expecting words like ' it's alright, I know you've tried your best, there's always a second chance' 'We will support you all the way. ' But no. All I got was ' how the hell can you fail math?' ' how can you be so lousy?' 'You're gonna fail olevels'. Yes, I am very affected by these words, because they somehow tricked me into believing that I'm worthless. I've always tried to stay positive, I kept telling myself to work hard to prove to others but all I get is disappointments and criticism...
When will it be my turn to shine?
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