Flashbacks

I know i've been complaining a lot about things in life and i'm never seen as someone who feels contented with what she have. I'm sorry if i come off as annoying, but blogging has became one way for me to release my thoughts.

Some people say that being happy is a choice. Some say I chose sadness, and that it has never chosen me. Maybe they are right. Because in this messed up world, all i am capable of doing is to hide it all. Hide all your emotions and words that you're dying to say. If i were to break my life down into different parts it will just be school, sleep, food and thoughts. I am starting to lose control again when i am facing certain things that hurt so bad that i just want it all to end. I feel so cooped up in my little tiny world because i'm hurting the people around me, or at least the ones who are trying to enter my life. A part of me is trying to let them in and yet the other part of me is pushing them out. Guilt is eating me up bit by bit as people starts to leave one by one upon failing despite trying so much. Ironically, all i can do is to apologise and i mean it from the bottom of my heart. Sorry for being a hassle and sorry for being hard to deal with. Sorry for pushing you out of my life. But at the same time, thank you for trying to help me, thank you for making me believe in myself, thank you for all the effort and concern.